Good intentions. Totally have them. Especially when it comes to my job. Sadly, my passion for what I do sometimes interferes with the "appropriate" way business needs to be conducted. Of course, if I REALLY wanted to be "appropriate" I wouldn't be in the radio biz.
I've been extremely lucky in the business of radio. Lots of folks have to move all over the country every few years and change jobs. Since I began in radio, I've been in two cities: Charlotte, NC & Columbia, SC. I started in Charlotte, moved to Columbia, and then came BACK to Charlotte. WAY lucky! Of course, it's taken me a few years to realize that luck is only PART of the reason I've been able to be in these two great cities. Talent has something to do with it as well.
For many years, I've been the "yes" or "no problem" girl. At work and in lots of my relationships. If you know me, you wouldn't think this of me. I think my last marriage wore me down. Not just personally, but in ALL aspects of my life. Within the last few months I've been standing up for myself in my personal & my professional life. And it's felt freakin' awesome! Odd and strange, but awesome! "Talent" isn't something I've ever thought about before. I've always just felt lucky. And I am! But this year I realized that I DO have talent & that talent is WHY I've been so lucky!
I have an unbelieveable passion for music. That passion is what fueled my interest in radio. Once I began in radio, I loved it! Truely. I love everything about it: the wacky personalities, the crazy hours, the relaxed atmosphere, the music, the insanity...........LOVE IT! Sadly, as many do, myself included, I let that love blind me for a bit. I realized this year that I wasn't getting back what I was putting into my job. I know, I know.........in this economy if you have a job be grateful! AND I AM! Trust me. BUT.......the passion that I had and the love that I had was fading. Fast. I was being pulled in too many directions.
I, for once, stood up for myself. NOT in the most appropriate way, BUT I stood up for myself. Something I haven't done personally or professionally in WAY too long. I knew there was a risk. Hell, I could have easily have been fired. My mouth went off before my brain had time to catch up. THIS doesn't always work well for me as my mouth tends to get me in trouble. Lots. :)
Yet I did it. And I'm glad I did! Now, don't get me wrong. I should have expressed my concerns in a more professional fashion. Next time, I'll know. Sadly, passion for what you do or who you are sometimes wins and "professional" or "appropriate" just doesn't matter. There are times in life you just have to stand up for WHO you are and what you feel. Does it always work? Nope. Does it matter? Nope. If you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel proud of who and what you ARE, that is all that matters at the end of the day.
All the above said, I am still wicked glad I have my job. Damn I have a big mouth sometimes. :) Good thing.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Breakups, Bankruptcy, & Bitterness..........
Ahhhhhh........the "Big B's" of my life continue! I gotta stop waiting so long to "vent" & blog about my bitterness more. Lord knows there is ALWAYS something I can bitch about! :) Sooooo.......here's the latest:
I recently went through another break-up. This one is a bit different though. It wasn't a break-up with a guy but with a very close friend. Let's call this friend "Lucy." "Lucy" and I were extremely close friends for the last 11 years. We both experienced painful divorces from cheating husbands, we were females in a mostly male dominated business and shared struggles, and we both loved to laugh & have a good time. We enjoyed and cried about the ups and downs of life together and we were always there for each other. Neither one of us were perfect but we never judged each other in regard to our imperfections. Truth be told, we were quite solid, or so I thought.
Last year, "Lucy" broke the "girl code." She hit on a guy that she knew I was talking to. I had been on a few dates with this guy but that was it...........nothing serious. "Lucy" went out of her way to hit on the guy and send him some suggestive pictures. Not cool. I don't think I need to go through the "Rules of Chick Friendship." We all know this is not acceptable. "Lucy" and I chatted, I was honest with her about how I felt and I told her that her actions hurt my feelings. It wasn't about the dude but about "Lucy" breaking the trust within the friendship. She apologized, I forgave her, we moved on. THAT'S what friends do. Friends forgive.
Recently I was seeing a guy and "Lucy" did the same type of thing. "Big D" and I were friends for about a year and throughout that year, we saw each other off & on. Long story short, "Big D" decided he wanted to take our relationship to another level. I wasn't sure I wanted to do that. "Lucy" inserted herself into the situation and became "friends" with "Big D" on Facebook. She sent him a message behind my back, giving him tips on how to "deal" with me. Again......a move that is NOT COOL. "Lucy" told me what she did about a week later. I expressed my dislike of the situation and explained to her that I am a grown woman. NO need to interfere in my love life. I think her intentions were good but I am not a fan of people inserting themselves into my love life. She said she was sorry and we again moved on. Soon after this situation, "Lucy" began making inappropriate comments on "Big D's" Facebook page. Comments laced with sexual innuendo. AGAIN, I expressed my dislike for this. "Lucy" said she understood. Sadly the comments didn't stop and I told "Lucy" that i was not happy with her actions. She didn't get it. "Lucy" couldn't understand why I was upset. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't just about a guy, it was about her breaking my trust....again. No matter how I tried to tell her this, she just refused to get it. In her mind, I was being a "prude" and she didn't see the big deal. Over & over I tried to explain to "Lucy" that it was a trust issue. She couldn't or didn't want to understand. I ended our conversation before it got too heated.
Unfortunately, "Lucy" doesn't understand how important trust is between friends. She is close with another woman and neither of them seem to understand boundaries. If THEY wanna do it, if it makes THEM feel good, then they do it. Don't get me wrong, I am not an angel. I've done my fair share of shady things. I just don't do shady things to my friends. I've had many of the same close girlfriends for years & years. There is a reason for this: I respect my friends. To be a good friend you have to have trust, love, and respect. These are 3 things that every relationship needs. If they aren't there, the relationship fails.
I feel like I've lost another husband in a way. "Lucy" and I were very tight and went through so many things together. I hope one day she'll understand true friendship. "Lucy" is a wonderful person and I miss her so. I just don't think she can comprehend how badly she hurt me. Sometimes to be a good friend, you have to put your pride aside and recognize when you've done something wrong. Even if YOU don't think its wrong, if it hurts a friend then it's wrong. Accountability for bad actions is important. I'm not perfect, but if I screw up, I own it. I'll put my pride aside and admit if I am wrong. In my opinion, "Lucy" let her pride end a very close friendship. Friends that love you for YOU........faults & all are quite hard to come by. I shall miss "Lucy" and all our fun times and I wish her the best.
The next two "B's" go hand in hand. Last week I finally broke down and filed for bankruptcy. For the last three years, I tried to avoid this move. Unfortunately, after the marriage with "CJ" ended, he left me in such financial ruin that bankruptcy was my only option. I cannot truly explain how this feels. I'm pissed because my financial state isn't totally my fault. "CJ" put us in debt. Sadly, I didn't have the balls to ever say no to him, so ALL our marital debt ended up on my credit. I tried the last few years to keep up with it, but truth be told, I don't make that much money and even if I did, I don't think I could have dealt with all the debt from our marriage.
Filing for bankruptcy makes me feel a bit like a failure. All my adult life, until my marriage to "CJ", I had great credit and was a responsible person. I'm still responsible but the bankruptcy thing makes me feel a bit like a loser. I know it isn't my fault and I realize that in today's economy LOTS of folks have gone through the same thing. Still..........I feel a bit like a failure and this makes me a bit more bitter. Yes, I know. MORE bitter..........scary stuff. I know that I am doing the right thing. Hell, it doesn't really matter I guess. Officially bankrupt or not my credit score is still lower than my weight! :) I know I'll get through it but at the moment it just kinda sucks. It's making me a bit more stressed and anxious than normal. Yes, I know. Even SCARIER.
And "BitterMel" rolls on my friends! Through breakups & bankruptcy, I still hold on to the one thing that gets me through: my twisted sense of humor. Hell, it could always be worse........right? :)
Til next time,
Broke & Bitter
I recently went through another break-up. This one is a bit different though. It wasn't a break-up with a guy but with a very close friend. Let's call this friend "Lucy." "Lucy" and I were extremely close friends for the last 11 years. We both experienced painful divorces from cheating husbands, we were females in a mostly male dominated business and shared struggles, and we both loved to laugh & have a good time. We enjoyed and cried about the ups and downs of life together and we were always there for each other. Neither one of us were perfect but we never judged each other in regard to our imperfections. Truth be told, we were quite solid, or so I thought.
Last year, "Lucy" broke the "girl code." She hit on a guy that she knew I was talking to. I had been on a few dates with this guy but that was it...........nothing serious. "Lucy" went out of her way to hit on the guy and send him some suggestive pictures. Not cool. I don't think I need to go through the "Rules of Chick Friendship." We all know this is not acceptable. "Lucy" and I chatted, I was honest with her about how I felt and I told her that her actions hurt my feelings. It wasn't about the dude but about "Lucy" breaking the trust within the friendship. She apologized, I forgave her, we moved on. THAT'S what friends do. Friends forgive.
Recently I was seeing a guy and "Lucy" did the same type of thing. "Big D" and I were friends for about a year and throughout that year, we saw each other off & on. Long story short, "Big D" decided he wanted to take our relationship to another level. I wasn't sure I wanted to do that. "Lucy" inserted herself into the situation and became "friends" with "Big D" on Facebook. She sent him a message behind my back, giving him tips on how to "deal" with me. Again......a move that is NOT COOL. "Lucy" told me what she did about a week later. I expressed my dislike of the situation and explained to her that I am a grown woman. NO need to interfere in my love life. I think her intentions were good but I am not a fan of people inserting themselves into my love life. She said she was sorry and we again moved on. Soon after this situation, "Lucy" began making inappropriate comments on "Big D's" Facebook page. Comments laced with sexual innuendo. AGAIN, I expressed my dislike for this. "Lucy" said she understood. Sadly the comments didn't stop and I told "Lucy" that i was not happy with her actions. She didn't get it. "Lucy" couldn't understand why I was upset. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't just about a guy, it was about her breaking my trust....again. No matter how I tried to tell her this, she just refused to get it. In her mind, I was being a "prude" and she didn't see the big deal. Over & over I tried to explain to "Lucy" that it was a trust issue. She couldn't or didn't want to understand. I ended our conversation before it got too heated.
Unfortunately, "Lucy" doesn't understand how important trust is between friends. She is close with another woman and neither of them seem to understand boundaries. If THEY wanna do it, if it makes THEM feel good, then they do it. Don't get me wrong, I am not an angel. I've done my fair share of shady things. I just don't do shady things to my friends. I've had many of the same close girlfriends for years & years. There is a reason for this: I respect my friends. To be a good friend you have to have trust, love, and respect. These are 3 things that every relationship needs. If they aren't there, the relationship fails.
I feel like I've lost another husband in a way. "Lucy" and I were very tight and went through so many things together. I hope one day she'll understand true friendship. "Lucy" is a wonderful person and I miss her so. I just don't think she can comprehend how badly she hurt me. Sometimes to be a good friend, you have to put your pride aside and recognize when you've done something wrong. Even if YOU don't think its wrong, if it hurts a friend then it's wrong. Accountability for bad actions is important. I'm not perfect, but if I screw up, I own it. I'll put my pride aside and admit if I am wrong. In my opinion, "Lucy" let her pride end a very close friendship. Friends that love you for YOU........faults & all are quite hard to come by. I shall miss "Lucy" and all our fun times and I wish her the best.
The next two "B's" go hand in hand. Last week I finally broke down and filed for bankruptcy. For the last three years, I tried to avoid this move. Unfortunately, after the marriage with "CJ" ended, he left me in such financial ruin that bankruptcy was my only option. I cannot truly explain how this feels. I'm pissed because my financial state isn't totally my fault. "CJ" put us in debt. Sadly, I didn't have the balls to ever say no to him, so ALL our marital debt ended up on my credit. I tried the last few years to keep up with it, but truth be told, I don't make that much money and even if I did, I don't think I could have dealt with all the debt from our marriage.
Filing for bankruptcy makes me feel a bit like a failure. All my adult life, until my marriage to "CJ", I had great credit and was a responsible person. I'm still responsible but the bankruptcy thing makes me feel a bit like a loser. I know it isn't my fault and I realize that in today's economy LOTS of folks have gone through the same thing. Still..........I feel a bit like a failure and this makes me a bit more bitter. Yes, I know. MORE bitter..........scary stuff. I know that I am doing the right thing. Hell, it doesn't really matter I guess. Officially bankrupt or not my credit score is still lower than my weight! :) I know I'll get through it but at the moment it just kinda sucks. It's making me a bit more stressed and anxious than normal. Yes, I know. Even SCARIER.
And "BitterMel" rolls on my friends! Through breakups & bankruptcy, I still hold on to the one thing that gets me through: my twisted sense of humor. Hell, it could always be worse........right? :)
Til next time,
Broke & Bitter
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The "Love Nazi"
Lemme put this first: If you're a fan of the show "Seinfeld", ya get the title of this bit of bitterness. If not, Google the "Soup Nazi" episode. Good stuff!
Soooo.........about 4 months ago I started dating this guy. We'll call him "SG." We've known each other for about 13 years. He's tall, built, funny, sweet, good-looking..........just a doll. Prior to us dating, we had not seen each other in about 2 years. He lives about 2 hours away from me so we hadn't run into each other in some time. Through mutal friends, he found out that I was divorced and vice versa.
"SG" calls me up one Sunday, outta the blue. He was in town for a football game and wanted to know if I could meet up for a drink after the game. I had plans that evening and declined the drink offer. He called me a few times that week we made plans to go out. That Thursday he drove up to take me to dinner. As soon as we saw each other.......BOOM! Instant chemistry. After our first date it was all over for both of us. We were smitten.
Despite the distance, "SG" and I saw each other as often as we could. At least every weekend. He made me laugh, was extremely romantic, treated me like a princess, and gave me "butterflies." He would do the sweetest things for me: leave me Hershey's kisses in places he knew I'd find them, leave me cute cards, make smiley faces outta cotton balls in the bathroom in the morning before he left.........he was wicked thoughtful. He made me smile in a way that I hadn't smiled in a VERY long time. I was beyond happy and fell in love. As did he...or so I thought.
"SG" and I became serious quickly. We'd known each other a long time. He spent Thanksgiving with my family and I met his family at Christmas. Everything seemed to be going perfect. We both had "life" stresses: money, work, etc. but we communicated and helped each other with things. Then in February, just before Valentine's Day, we had our first fight. THAT did it.
Huh? A fight ended the relationship? WTH?! EXACTLY!!!!!! I'm still trying to figure it all out. Long story short, he came down on a Saturday & we had plans to see a band that he's friends with. I wasn't feeling well and told him to go without me and take one of his friends. He made plans and off he went. He said he wouldn't be home late. I went to sleep and woke up around 2am. I hadn't heard from him since around 9pm so I shot him a text. Nothing for an hour. Sent him a few more texts in the next hour or so. Nada. I was a bit worried. I knew he was gonna have a few cocktails and wondered if something happened. About 4:45am he finally calls.....drunk. I was pissed. Very disrespectful. I basically left his bag by the door and told him to leave the key to my house on the table and split. When he showed up at my house, I had calmed down a bit. I told him he could sleep on the couch & we would chat the next morning. I guess I really pissed him off 'cause he left the key, split, and that was it.
Now I fully realize I over-reacted when I told him to leave the key. My bad. That being said, he didn't think he did anything wrong. We spoke the next day and he was nursing a very bad hangover. Appologies were exchanged and I thought all was good. Not so much. After the fight his whole attitude changed. It was like I was dating a different person. He no longer had time to talk, his sweet text messages stopped, and he was just too busy & stressed to take time for me.
Being 41, having dated lots, and having been married twice, I GET when someone is trying to blow me off. I asked him if we should slow down, date & see other people, etc. He said nooooo.........he loved me and wanted to just see me. He just didn't know how to juggle everything. I tried to give him space, was understanding, and didn't push him. Three weeks went by and his personality was still off. It was like the fight turned him into someone different. Hell, ya have to have a fight once in awhile to maintain a good relationship!
I tried to leave myself open to him but was continuously brushed aside. He was just too busy for me. YET........he didn't wanna break up. FINALLY I said what he didn't have the balls to say and we ended the relationship. He said that the fight made him realize how busy he really was and how he didn't have time for a relationship. WHAT?! 'Cause he had the same schedule when we first started dating but all of the sudden he's too busy? Wow. THAT hurts. I don't get how you love someone then all of the sudden you find out they aren't perfect and BOOM.........DONE. I can't just cut my emotions off like that. Not cool.
Yet ANOTHER heartbreak. As we all know, I was left pretty broken after my divorce and finally trusted someone again and I get the boot after a fight?! I know, I know.............makes my head hurt too. Crushing, truly.
The lesson here is that I guess it's good we ended it sooner than later. I mean, if ya don't have the balls to go a round with me and have a fight, then you definitely don't have the set to date me. It's not like I presented myself as an angel in white with a halo. Ya KNOW what you're getting with me. If I'm anything, I'm honest and don't hide my personaility. It's not like I shocked the man. Damn!
So I move ahead with my life with one more scar on my heart. What can ya do? All I can do is keep going and say............ "No soup for you! NEXT!!!!!!!!!"
Soooo.........about 4 months ago I started dating this guy. We'll call him "SG." We've known each other for about 13 years. He's tall, built, funny, sweet, good-looking..........just a doll. Prior to us dating, we had not seen each other in about 2 years. He lives about 2 hours away from me so we hadn't run into each other in some time. Through mutal friends, he found out that I was divorced and vice versa.
"SG" calls me up one Sunday, outta the blue. He was in town for a football game and wanted to know if I could meet up for a drink after the game. I had plans that evening and declined the drink offer. He called me a few times that week we made plans to go out. That Thursday he drove up to take me to dinner. As soon as we saw each other.......BOOM! Instant chemistry. After our first date it was all over for both of us. We were smitten.
Despite the distance, "SG" and I saw each other as often as we could. At least every weekend. He made me laugh, was extremely romantic, treated me like a princess, and gave me "butterflies." He would do the sweetest things for me: leave me Hershey's kisses in places he knew I'd find them, leave me cute cards, make smiley faces outta cotton balls in the bathroom in the morning before he left.........he was wicked thoughtful. He made me smile in a way that I hadn't smiled in a VERY long time. I was beyond happy and fell in love. As did he...or so I thought.
"SG" and I became serious quickly. We'd known each other a long time. He spent Thanksgiving with my family and I met his family at Christmas. Everything seemed to be going perfect. We both had "life" stresses: money, work, etc. but we communicated and helped each other with things. Then in February, just before Valentine's Day, we had our first fight. THAT did it.
Huh? A fight ended the relationship? WTH?! EXACTLY!!!!!! I'm still trying to figure it all out. Long story short, he came down on a Saturday & we had plans to see a band that he's friends with. I wasn't feeling well and told him to go without me and take one of his friends. He made plans and off he went. He said he wouldn't be home late. I went to sleep and woke up around 2am. I hadn't heard from him since around 9pm so I shot him a text. Nothing for an hour. Sent him a few more texts in the next hour or so. Nada. I was a bit worried. I knew he was gonna have a few cocktails and wondered if something happened. About 4:45am he finally calls.....drunk. I was pissed. Very disrespectful. I basically left his bag by the door and told him to leave the key to my house on the table and split. When he showed up at my house, I had calmed down a bit. I told him he could sleep on the couch & we would chat the next morning. I guess I really pissed him off 'cause he left the key, split, and that was it.
Now I fully realize I over-reacted when I told him to leave the key. My bad. That being said, he didn't think he did anything wrong. We spoke the next day and he was nursing a very bad hangover. Appologies were exchanged and I thought all was good. Not so much. After the fight his whole attitude changed. It was like I was dating a different person. He no longer had time to talk, his sweet text messages stopped, and he was just too busy & stressed to take time for me.
Being 41, having dated lots, and having been married twice, I GET when someone is trying to blow me off. I asked him if we should slow down, date & see other people, etc. He said nooooo.........he loved me and wanted to just see me. He just didn't know how to juggle everything. I tried to give him space, was understanding, and didn't push him. Three weeks went by and his personality was still off. It was like the fight turned him into someone different. Hell, ya have to have a fight once in awhile to maintain a good relationship!
I tried to leave myself open to him but was continuously brushed aside. He was just too busy for me. YET........he didn't wanna break up. FINALLY I said what he didn't have the balls to say and we ended the relationship. He said that the fight made him realize how busy he really was and how he didn't have time for a relationship. WHAT?! 'Cause he had the same schedule when we first started dating but all of the sudden he's too busy? Wow. THAT hurts. I don't get how you love someone then all of the sudden you find out they aren't perfect and BOOM.........DONE. I can't just cut my emotions off like that. Not cool.
Yet ANOTHER heartbreak. As we all know, I was left pretty broken after my divorce and finally trusted someone again and I get the boot after a fight?! I know, I know.............makes my head hurt too. Crushing, truly.
The lesson here is that I guess it's good we ended it sooner than later. I mean, if ya don't have the balls to go a round with me and have a fight, then you definitely don't have the set to date me. It's not like I presented myself as an angel in white with a halo. Ya KNOW what you're getting with me. If I'm anything, I'm honest and don't hide my personaility. It's not like I shocked the man. Damn!
So I move ahead with my life with one more scar on my heart. What can ya do? All I can do is keep going and say............ "No soup for you! NEXT!!!!!!!!!"
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
2010: The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly
Welcome to 2011! The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly all happened in 2010. It was definitely an interesting ride. Kinda like a roller coaster. Too bad roller coasters make me hurl!
Let's start off with The UGLY. "CJ" aka Captain Jackass and I FINALLY divorced in August. It took just under 3 years to get rid of him. I settled with him just to end all of the drama. Also to end the expensive attorney's fees! After being left about $300,000 in debt, having my credit ruined, having my house foreclosed on, and dealing with numerous creditors, I walked out of the court house with "CJ" owing me $5000. Really? It took almost 3 years for THAT?! Total buzzkill. That being said he still OWES me half that money. I have no doubt that collecting the rest of the money he owes me will be a major pain in my ass. No shock there. Despite the emotional and financial hits, I'm still a very lucky girl. Those of you who are familiar with "CJ" know what I mean. Getting rid of him was SO worth all the stress and financial loss. I'm alive, I have a loving family, and some amazing friends.
Now for the BAD. By BAD I mean stuff that sucks. Nothing in my life is truly bad.....I have a place to live, a job, clothes to wear, and food to eat. My "Bad" is just stuff that's annoying and a pain. Nothing too major. My first bit of bad is my weight. I went from very to skinny to chubby in 2010. Thyroid issues and my steady dating of "Ben & Jerry" along with not working out left me with some extra poundage. Not the worst thing in the world but a pain. That being said, it's totally my fault. I ate ice cream & became a bit lazy. I have no one to blame but myself.....I get it. Now I CAN'T GET INTO most of my clothes. OY! Working on it.
In 2010 I had some friendships change. I guess this isn't really a BAD thing just a bit sad. It's surprising when people aren't who they portray themselves to be. My definition of a friend is a person that is loyal, honest, loving, and true. I've had many of the same girlfriends for 20 years. Despite the different paths we've all chosen in life, we are still there for each other. As I get older, I realize I don't want or have time for fake or jealous people. If someone in your life tries to belittle you or tries to control you, then they are not a friend. I had a husband that did that........don't need a friend like that. I would rather spend time alone than with someone who doesn't add joy and happiness to my life.
Totally bad and painful in 2010 was my shoulder surgery. Ahhh....old age. Ouch! When the doc went in to fix it, he realized there was more damage than he originally thought. It still hurts but I'm doing well. I was released from PT a month after surgery so I'm rockin' towards recovery!
There are lots of GOOD things that occured in 2010. The most amazing thing is that I am DRAMA-FREE! Holy Hell........what a change! Since the split from "CJ" over 2 years ago, I have attended counsling sessions. Seeing someone every few weeks and discussing my problems & feelings has helped me get over all the emotional trauma "CJ" left me with. It also helped me stay off the show "Snapped." :) After years of catering to someone else, I am now doing what I want to do. I have a better understanding of the person I am and what I want out of life. I'm also aware of what I DON'T want out of life! It's quite an interesting change for me to be "normal."
My boyfriend is one of the best things that happened in 2010. Yeah.......I said boyfriend. He is one of the reasons I am a bit less "bitter." I've known "Smiles" for about 13 years. He's a big fella.....6'3, 280lbs...I like the big boys. Despite his large stature, he is THE kindest man I know. I laugh and smile constantly when I'm with him. I get butterflies when I hear his voice or think of him. I'm happy. Just plain happy. It's been a VERY long time since I was happy. AND I deserve it damnit!
So there ya go.......The GOOD, The BAD, and The UGLY. Looking back at 2010, the good outweighed the bad and the ugly. Hell, even the ugly turned out pretty good! Divorce can be a wonderful thing.
I'm hoping 2011 will bring luck and some changes my way. I think it's time for me to explore some other options in life. Fingers crossed things fall into place for me this year.
I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions BUT I will say this: 2011 WILL BE MARRIAGE FREE!!!! JUST when ya thought the bitterness was gone............. :)
Hope 2011 rocks for you!
Let's start off with The UGLY. "CJ" aka Captain Jackass and I FINALLY divorced in August. It took just under 3 years to get rid of him. I settled with him just to end all of the drama. Also to end the expensive attorney's fees! After being left about $300,000 in debt, having my credit ruined, having my house foreclosed on, and dealing with numerous creditors, I walked out of the court house with "CJ" owing me $5000. Really? It took almost 3 years for THAT?! Total buzzkill. That being said he still OWES me half that money. I have no doubt that collecting the rest of the money he owes me will be a major pain in my ass. No shock there. Despite the emotional and financial hits, I'm still a very lucky girl. Those of you who are familiar with "CJ" know what I mean. Getting rid of him was SO worth all the stress and financial loss. I'm alive, I have a loving family, and some amazing friends.
Now for the BAD. By BAD I mean stuff that sucks. Nothing in my life is truly bad.....I have a place to live, a job, clothes to wear, and food to eat. My "Bad" is just stuff that's annoying and a pain. Nothing too major. My first bit of bad is my weight. I went from very to skinny to chubby in 2010. Thyroid issues and my steady dating of "Ben & Jerry" along with not working out left me with some extra poundage. Not the worst thing in the world but a pain. That being said, it's totally my fault. I ate ice cream & became a bit lazy. I have no one to blame but myself.....I get it. Now I CAN'T GET INTO most of my clothes. OY! Working on it.
In 2010 I had some friendships change. I guess this isn't really a BAD thing just a bit sad. It's surprising when people aren't who they portray themselves to be. My definition of a friend is a person that is loyal, honest, loving, and true. I've had many of the same girlfriends for 20 years. Despite the different paths we've all chosen in life, we are still there for each other. As I get older, I realize I don't want or have time for fake or jealous people. If someone in your life tries to belittle you or tries to control you, then they are not a friend. I had a husband that did that........don't need a friend like that. I would rather spend time alone than with someone who doesn't add joy and happiness to my life.
Totally bad and painful in 2010 was my shoulder surgery. Ahhh....old age. Ouch! When the doc went in to fix it, he realized there was more damage than he originally thought. It still hurts but I'm doing well. I was released from PT a month after surgery so I'm rockin' towards recovery!
There are lots of GOOD things that occured in 2010. The most amazing thing is that I am DRAMA-FREE! Holy Hell........what a change! Since the split from "CJ" over 2 years ago, I have attended counsling sessions. Seeing someone every few weeks and discussing my problems & feelings has helped me get over all the emotional trauma "CJ" left me with. It also helped me stay off the show "Snapped." :) After years of catering to someone else, I am now doing what I want to do. I have a better understanding of the person I am and what I want out of life. I'm also aware of what I DON'T want out of life! It's quite an interesting change for me to be "normal."
My boyfriend is one of the best things that happened in 2010. Yeah.......I said boyfriend. He is one of the reasons I am a bit less "bitter." I've known "Smiles" for about 13 years. He's a big fella.....6'3, 280lbs...I like the big boys. Despite his large stature, he is THE kindest man I know. I laugh and smile constantly when I'm with him. I get butterflies when I hear his voice or think of him. I'm happy. Just plain happy. It's been a VERY long time since I was happy. AND I deserve it damnit!
So there ya go.......The GOOD, The BAD, and The UGLY. Looking back at 2010, the good outweighed the bad and the ugly. Hell, even the ugly turned out pretty good! Divorce can be a wonderful thing.
I'm hoping 2011 will bring luck and some changes my way. I think it's time for me to explore some other options in life. Fingers crossed things fall into place for me this year.
I'm not big on New Year's Resolutions BUT I will say this: 2011 WILL BE MARRIAGE FREE!!!! JUST when ya thought the bitterness was gone............. :)
Hope 2011 rocks for you!
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