In the past few weeks I have had a few different discussions with a few of my girlfriends about life. One of my closest friends has some doubts about the guy she is dating. We had a long talk about her situation the other day and she mentioned to me that she just "feels" like he is doing something bad. As she spoke to me, she tried to conveince herself that maybe the feeling she is having is wrong. WHY do we as women do that??!! Anytime we have a "gut" feeling we try to talk ourselves out of going with that feeling! We are so conditioned to make excuses for people that we don't go with what we KNOW is right!!!
When I was with "CJ" I just KNEW he was cheating! We were living together but were not yet married. I had this feeling deep in my stomach that something was wrong. I did a bit of "Nancy Drew" investigating and was RIGHT!!!! I called him on it, called the girl on it ( I knew her) and both denied their relationship. "CJ" said I was "crazy" for thinking he was cheating. He told me I was just over-emotional because I was sick. At the time I was suffering from Graves Disease, which is a thyroid disease. He continued to make ME feel WRONG because I accused him of cheating, which was exactly what he was doing!!! Nice guy, right?! I let him convience me that I was nuts because I was sick. I choose to believe his lies. I ignored the pit in my stomach. I ignored the nagging in my gut. NOT good! I was dead on......he was cheating with the girl I knew. He didn't have the stones to "man" up. Damn shame really. If I would have been true to myself and gone with my gut I would have saved myself years of heartache and wouldn't be looking at bankruptcy. If there is one thing I have learned within the past few months it's that I always need to be true to myself. If I feel something is wrong, if I think someone is lying, if I have that icky feeling in my gut, I go with it. When that little voice inside myself says "Hey, something is not kosher" I listen to it!
Women so often ignore their gut reaction or feeling. We are so used to making excuses for people. Usually we as women are used to looking at the best in someone or something. We aren't supposed to think of ourselves first. Women are care-givers and are just so conditioned to taking care of the needs of others that we ignore our own needs. THAT IS CRAP!!! Don't do it!!!!! If you are in a relationship or situation and you think something is off, BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!!!!! Always go with the gut!!! Nine times outta ten, you are gonna be right!!!! Listen to yourself. Hell, even if your gut says "Don't eat another whole pizza again!" LISTEN! :) Step up ladies and guys!!! Ya gotta go with the gut. Don't ignore yourself....ignore the bs that others try to sell ya!
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
It's Better To Have Loved & Lost..............
As the clock tick tocks toward January, when my divorce will be final (4 months, 2 days...not that I'm counting) I try and find comfort in a magnet my good friend Amy gave me. This fabulous magnet is on my fridge and I look to it daily for hope and inspiration. It says "IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO LIVE WITH A PSYCHO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"
THIS is oh so true!! The past few months I've gone through lots of emotional pain and some serious monetary pain! I've struggled with anger, depression, bitterness, anger, sadness, loss, and anger. It's difficult to let go of someone you love and even more difficult to realize the person you loved was NOT the person you thought they were. It's extrememly difficult to handle truth. To finally accept that the person you were with for 6 years was never a good person is hard. To deal with the fact that you were used is rough. What kind of person uses someone for 6 years?? How can someone seem so smart, kind, and normal when they are really a psycho?? It's like waking up in the middle of a crazy Lifetime movie! You know the one where the wife discovers her husband is not who he says he is and is leading a double life..........it's wacky!! You feel like an idiot. You feel crazy. You feel dumb.
I have now come to the realization that I'm ok. I loved someone. I thought they were a good person. I gave someone the benefit of the doubt. I was caring, forgiving, and loving. That doesn't make me stupid or dumb or crazy. That just makes me human. For months I've been beating myself up for not realizing I was "getting played." I now get that I'm human. I can't fault myself for loving. I can't keep second guessing my actions. I understand now that I was taken in my an unusually manipulative person. EVERYONE I know.....family, friends, co-workers.....were taken in. I'm not at fault for loving, trusting, and caring for someone. Hell, I'm not even sure he's to blame. When you're outta you're mind crazy you usually don't know it. He's got no idea he's so screwed up.
When the EX "CJ" and I first separated, a friend of mine gave me some excellent words of wisdom. He said that one day, when I got over my anger, that I'd feel sorry for the EX because he's a lost soul. I comprehend those words now. I do feel sorry for him. Am I still angry........oh HELL YES! He left me broke.......I'm probably gonna have to file for bankruptcy. THAT makes me mad. That being said, I can start over. Credit, money, material things can be replaced and/or fixed. Karma will stop by one day and pay him a visit. I'm thinking that won't be pretty! I can move on because I am a good person and I did my best. I made mistakes but I can learn from them. I can wake up everyday and look at myself in the mirror. I don't think he can do the same.
Whenever I feel bad, upset, or angry I just look to the magnet of truth. "IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO LIVE WITH A PSYCHO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" Words to live by!!!!
THIS is oh so true!! The past few months I've gone through lots of emotional pain and some serious monetary pain! I've struggled with anger, depression, bitterness, anger, sadness, loss, and anger. It's difficult to let go of someone you love and even more difficult to realize the person you loved was NOT the person you thought they were. It's extrememly difficult to handle truth. To finally accept that the person you were with for 6 years was never a good person is hard. To deal with the fact that you were used is rough. What kind of person uses someone for 6 years?? How can someone seem so smart, kind, and normal when they are really a psycho?? It's like waking up in the middle of a crazy Lifetime movie! You know the one where the wife discovers her husband is not who he says he is and is leading a double life..........it's wacky!! You feel like an idiot. You feel crazy. You feel dumb.
I have now come to the realization that I'm ok. I loved someone. I thought they were a good person. I gave someone the benefit of the doubt. I was caring, forgiving, and loving. That doesn't make me stupid or dumb or crazy. That just makes me human. For months I've been beating myself up for not realizing I was "getting played." I now get that I'm human. I can't fault myself for loving. I can't keep second guessing my actions. I understand now that I was taken in my an unusually manipulative person. EVERYONE I know.....family, friends, co-workers.....were taken in. I'm not at fault for loving, trusting, and caring for someone. Hell, I'm not even sure he's to blame. When you're outta you're mind crazy you usually don't know it. He's got no idea he's so screwed up.
When the EX "CJ" and I first separated, a friend of mine gave me some excellent words of wisdom. He said that one day, when I got over my anger, that I'd feel sorry for the EX because he's a lost soul. I comprehend those words now. I do feel sorry for him. Am I still angry........oh HELL YES! He left me broke.......I'm probably gonna have to file for bankruptcy. THAT makes me mad. That being said, I can start over. Credit, money, material things can be replaced and/or fixed. Karma will stop by one day and pay him a visit. I'm thinking that won't be pretty! I can move on because I am a good person and I did my best. I made mistakes but I can learn from them. I can wake up everyday and look at myself in the mirror. I don't think he can do the same.
Whenever I feel bad, upset, or angry I just look to the magnet of truth. "IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO LIVE WITH A PSYCHO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" Words to live by!!!!
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