Bitter Mel Beyond Repair?

At the present time, I have 4 girlfriends getting divorced. Not just chicks I know or work with but really close friends. I have 2 other girlfriends who have husbands that have cheated on them but have decided to stick out the marriage & work on things. It makes me so very sad to see my friends go through such pain. Unfortunately, I know their pain all too well. That's one of the reasons my friends confide in me. They KNOW I get it. The sadness, pain, anger, frustration, confusion...the list of emotions is never ending. People often say time heals all wounds. Not buying it. Some wounds are too deep to heal and your left with a scar. Some nastier than others.

I remain loyal & positive to my friends going through divorce but I'm also honest. Blowing sunshine up someone's ass isn't helpful. It's been 4 years since I split from "Captain Jackass" & I'm still not over it. I don't think I realized that until recently. Two weeks ago I was invited to a Strongman competition. I KNEW if I went I'd run into some people that are still friendly with my ex. The possibility made me nauseous. I went to the event, saw guys competing and almost hurled. There was no way I was getting out of the car. I just couldn't. The thought literally made me queasy. Wasn't happening.

Last weekend my Dad competed in a powerlifting meet. At the age of 70, quite the feat! He trained hard.....driving 2 hours to Columbia,SC. My Dad trained with some friends of the ex. When I went to the powerlifting meet, I KNEW I'd see a few guys that used to hang with my ex. I wasn't prepared for how I would feel when I saw the ex's buds. A sadness came over me that was kinda disturbing. I had flashbacks of "good times" with the ex and I wasn't prepared for that. Odd how 4 years later I'm still affected by such trivial things. I mean, it wasn't like any of the guys were rude. Everyone was quite friendly. I just wasn't expecting the feelings that came over me.

It was THEN that I got it: I'm not completely over my divorce. I'm not completely over the psycho I was married to. Do I still love him? Noooooooo. Would I ever want to see him again? Noooooooo. Will I be forever scarred by what I went through? Yep.

Don't misunderstand me. My life has & will continue. I'm sure one day I'll find someone to spend the rest of my life with. Now I just realize AND can accept that I've changed as a person. I'm not sure I'll ever truly trust someone again. I'm also pretty certain that I'll never marry again. Sad? Maybe but I'm honest.

It's THIS honesty that I give to my friends going through turmoil. You CAN survive & become a stronger person. You CAN go through years of crap & still not get over someone. But life rolls on. The pain DOES subside as time goes on. Eventually you stop crying, take hold of the anger, then recognize that you can use what you went through to help others. Ya don't get over it completely. Ever. Some woulds leave a mark that lasts a lifetime. BUT, as with all scars, time does help it fade. Some wounds aren't meant to heal. The scar reminds us of our past mistakes. And that's OK. The trick is using those wounds/scars to your advantage.

Bitter Mel Beyond Repair? I'm gonna say no. I don't wanna be the same person. I like to think I'm smarter and stronger.