Banking on "Bitter"......

"Bank on Bitter". That's my new motto. The last few months have been interesting. I'm trying to figure out exactly who I am. All parts of me: the radio chick, the friend, the chick that likes sex & will admit it, the grown up, the divorced chick, the bankrupt bitch, etc. It's interesting to look at all parts of who you are. Scary but interesting. Through my self discovery, I've decided that the "Bitter Bitch" is not only a role I play well on the radio, but part of my personality. The part that I think may make me some loot. I realized this past weekend that I am not fully over my last divorce. It's been five years & I still feel a lot of pain. Weird. I'm a balls out chick. I thought I'd be totally over it by now. I'm not though and that's ok. It'll take however long it takes Over the weekend I faced a very disturbing truth about my last marriage: I was mentally abused. Lots. I admitted that to someone over the weekend. Out loud. I've NEVER done that. I guess because I'm a strong, hard core chick I never wanted to face that part of my life. It makes me feel weak. Maybe I didn't acknowledge it because I had so much other crap to deal with. I felt like a failure because my 2nd marriage didn't work. I was trying to process the EX's constant cheating & lying AND deal with bankruptcy. Oh...and I lost my job two weeks after I left his punk ass. The mental damage was pushed WAY back in my skull. I just couldn't handle dealing with that along with all the other BS I had to deal with. So......here I am, five years later, recognizing and admitting something I never though possible. I was married to a mean dude. The damage he did to me mentally I'm still dealing with. Hell, it could be something I deal with for five more years or forever. As I process my emotions & work through some mental crap, I might as well try and profit from it. If I'm gonna be a "Bitter Bitch" I might as well try and cash in on it. I KNOW what I dealt with is totally minor compared to what some people deal with. I realize how lucky I am. But since I DO have a twisted since of humor I might as well try and bank on my bitterness. Making money wouldn't suck and helping others with what I've learned would be killer! Hence my new motto & philosophy: Bank on the Bitter baby! Ya gotta go with your strengths, right? :)