SUCKER

Trust: 1. Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
2. Custody; care.
3. Something committed into the care of another; charge.
a. The condition and resulting obligation of having confidence placed in one
b. One in which confidence is placed

Sucker. Yep, I'm one. Total sucker. I think we're all all "suckers" for something. Cute animals, chocolate, shiny toys and gifts, wrong men or women. Oh yeah........we've all been sucked in by something or someone.

Trust is a big part of gettin' sucked in. It's funny how we trust or don't trust people and things. Everyone is different, of course. I am not the kinda person that trusts strangers. As a general rule, I'm suspicious of people I do not know. I seem to have NO problem though giving my trust to those that have hurt me before. Doesn't make a ton of sense, I know. I'm starting to wonder if I'm a bit nuts!

The past few years I've trusted and believed in men that have hurt me previously. Now, one would think that I'd be a bit skeptical of these men since I've freakin' cried my eyes out over 'em. I've eaten Ben & Jerry's, drank beer, eaten cookie dough, lost weight, not eaten, over-ate, worked out, become lazy, complained to my girlfriends, etc. All the usual chick things. And yet, when these dudes come back to me, appologizing for their wrongdoings, I have taken them back and placed my trust in them AGAIN. Am I insane??!! I believe the "I love you's", the "I will never hurt you again's" , the "your the perfect woman for me's", the "your my best friend's"..........you get what I mean. I buy into the BS. I actually believe what comes outta their mouths. I am clueless.......I get sucked in each time.

I understand that communication between men & women is a major issue in relationships. We think quite differently. I just don't get why people don't say what they mean and mean what they say. If you're confused, say it. If you're unhappy, say it. If you don't know what the hell your doing, say it!!!!

Once these relationships end I am shocked and devestated. I get so sucked into the "happy, happy, joy, joy" scenerio that I miss the most important thing. That TRUST NEEDS TO BE EARNED!!! Why do I continue to just give it away?? Why do I believe the things that are said to me? I am relatively bright. I'm an outspoken, strong female. I just seem to date & marry the wrong guys and trust the wrong people. Maybe that is my problem. I'm never into the "right" guys.......you know, the guys your parents like. I have always liked a guy that is smart, witty, good looking, sweet, funny, kind, and a bit of a bad ass. I like guys that are confident, social, talkative, into music and pop culture. As I write this, all the above seems ok. Sounds like a killer guy to me! Yet the dudes I end up with are not just all of the above.........they also come with drama and baggage. Yes, we ALL have some baggage. I just seem to be attracted to the guys that have the BIG SET OF SAMSONITE BAGGAGE!!! No carry-ons for me! Drama & mayhem central right here. I grew up with lots of drama and mayhem, so I'm used to it. Obviously, that's part of my problem. I'm workin' on that.

So again I'm back to why and how I continuously get sucked in. I SHOULD know better by now! Do I just attrack crazies? Doest it say "I'm a sucker" on my forehead? Am I just self-destructive? OR am I just a regular chick that's been played? I used to think that everyone deserves a second chance. I've handed a few second chances out and they've bitten me in the ass! Now I'm not sure what the hell I believe.

I do know this: If you've hurt me before, if you've taken advantage of our friendship, or just filled my head with lies and BS, I won't be sucked in again. I haven't yet mastered the whole "earn my trust" thing, but I have become quite good at the "screw you, I'm a tiny bitter woman" thing. Lionel Richie says "Your once, twice, three times a lady." I say "once, twice, three times I'm pissed." :) Trust that suckers!! :)